


Doubts

by rocksteadyshefani



Category: Shefani, The Voice (US) RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-29 22:09:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10145588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocksteadyshefani/pseuds/rocksteadyshefani
Summary: Three separate occasions where Blake handles Gwen's insecurities





	

**

She knows she’s not being fair. He’s given her no valid reason whatsoever to doubt his intentions, nor is he anything like her ex-husband. If anything, he’s probably the only one who’s always put her feelings first and put as much effort in this thing between them as she did. He showed her what it was like to be truly cared for and yet she’s sitting in her vacant L.A mansion, deciding whether to go through with this or not.  
  
Sometimes she feels like blowing this whole thing off would be best for him and keeping him around is just a selfish act all together; he’s precious, lovable and wanted. She on the other hand just feels damaged and the thought of one day becoming a burden to him makes her physically sick. If creating false doubts and going over worst case scenarios is what it’s going to take to get her to be able to push him away, maybe that’s the right thing to do.  
  
She has been ignoring his text, scattered over the course of the whole day. They started out as enthusiastic as always; because unlike her previous lovers, he actually enjoyed talking to her. They turned into something a bit more desperate as he must’ve realized she wasn’t going to answer him. She hated keeping him in the dark like this, hated to be the one causing him to dwell in past insecurities.  
  
Not talking to him for even a day, already affects her more than she thought it would. It became clear that he’d already managed to become a vital part of her day and mood; his voice resonated deep within her, and his words managed to touch the deepest parts in her heart. It almost started to feel too right, to be wrong. _Almost_.  
  
The darkness of the night and softness of her covers did nothing to ease the ache of possibly losing Blake before she even officially ‘got’ him.

He gave up on texting and calling her, and her phone hadn’t lit up in hours. She didn’t blame him, hell he probably couldn’t keep up with her insecurities for the life of him, but somewhere deep down she didn’t _expect_ him to throw in the towel so soon.

Maybe this is just one of her unfairly so, but highly put standards, she projected onto him, after being the first one to shower her with the care and affection she always tried to be good enough for.  
  
As the hours passed by, her eyelids were finally starting to get a little heavier and just when she thought the night might take her under, her heart jumped at the sound her phone, indicating a text just came in.  
  
Deciding between letting it go and getting some sleep, or picking her phone up to check for the words of a certain cowboy, she knew damn well which one was gonna win out. She let her eyes adjust to the light of her phone, before quickly clicking on the unread text.  
  
_“Open the door.”_  
  
She doesn’t know why, but reading those words nearly made her cry and her heart started beating so fast, she was afraid she might pass out. Throwing on the first t-shirt she could find, she stumbled her way out of bed and practically raced down the stairs. When she got to the door, she took a few deep breathes before opening the door.  
  
She was met with a pair of loving, yet worried eyes, but his voice was soft and firm. Not angry like she expected. “Are you going to invite me in?”  
  
As soon as the words left his lips, she took a step to the side, allowing him to enter the house. The door hadn’t been shut for a single second, when she felt his arms pull her firmly against him, his heartbeat a steady rhythm against her chest. She allowed herself to get lost in the feeling for a while, before speaking up.  
  
“I’m sorry”, she whispered. She knew it wasn’t much and it probably wasn’t enough, but it was all she could come up with in the moment. All her worries, all her cares, all her fears, seemed to disappear right there in his arms, and all she wanted was for him to never let go.  
  
It wasn’t even like a grand decision had to be made in that moment, but in her heart, she did. Having him hold her the way he was, and it feeling so safe and secure, couldn’t possibly be wrong. Having him in her life like this, couldn’t be wrong.  
  
“It’s okay. I got you, Gwen.”

She didn’t even realize she was crying until his voice cut through the silence. Her body was softly shaking and she felt the palm of his hand press softly against her back, urging her further into his chest. The soothing motion of his hand and the gentle encouragement whispered against her head, did wonders to calm her down.  
  
_“Will you stick around?”_  
  
She’d whispered the words and she wasn’t even sure if she was just referring to tonight or something more long term, but luckily he answered for both occasions.  
  
“You’re stuck for me for as long as you’ll let me, Gwen.”  
  
**  
  
Being with him for so long tainted everything she thought she once knew about love. She was young and naïve when she fell in love with Gavin and her heart didn’t stand a chance; she knew when she met him he’d be the death of her and that was just how it was supposed to be. Being loved and cared for in the most selfless way, is foreign to her still.  
  
Loving meant giving, to her. Giving until she eventually ran out of things to give, and when that’d happen he’d leave for a couple days to God knows where (better yet, God knows who) instead of providing her with something to take; something to charge herself up with.  
  
Now she’s staring at the flowers on her kitchen table, with a note that reads “ _Desperately felt the need to make you smile”_ and she finds herself unexpectedly conflicted. It’s so selfless, so attentive, so like everything she always dreamt of, but never before being the one on the receiving end of a love like Blake’s is making her feel like she’s undeserving.  
  
Realizing she still hasn’t called to thank him for the flowers, she reaches out for the phone on her kitchen table, as her freshly manicured nails, skilfully seek out his name in her contact list.

As soon as his voice comes through at the other end of the line, she’s word-vomiting all over the place and can’t seem to stop herself.  
  
“ _Ohmygodbaby_ , these flowers are so beautiful, I can’t believe you did that! I was like so surprised, like literally babe…IN SHOCK. Thank you so much, I don’t know what I did to deserve them, but thank you!”  
  
When her little rambling session is over, she hears him lowly chuckle before replying.

“You’re welcome Gwen. I’m glad you love them.” He sounds so sincere and gentle, her eyes water up because of that fact, alone. “And by the way, you deserve them just for being you.”  
  
_“I do?”_  
  
She didn’t mean for the words to come out so insecure, and she mentally slaps herself for once again making this a bigger deal than necessary.  
  
“You do. You give so much to everyone around you, babe. Your kids, your family, friends, fans…I’ve never met anyone as selfless and giving as you, Gwen. You deserve a little something extra, sometimes.”  
  
“Blake...--“  
  
“No, listen to me. I know you’re not comfortable with too many compliments, but I think it’s important that I give you this last one…” She can’t help but softly giggle at his words, because yes, he truly does know her so well.  
  
“Okay”, she whispers.  
  
“I’ve never smiled more in my entire life, than I have since I met you. _That’s_ what you do for me, baby. You deserve everything.”  
  
By the end of his sentence, she has tears rolling down her cheeks and a couple broken sighs leave her lips. She wishes more than anything that he was standing right in front of her right now, so she could throw herself in his arms and bask in the feeling of him holding her, but she’s in L.A and he’s not, and she’s getting more frustrated by that fact every passing second.  
  
“If you were here right now, I’d definitely be kissing you crazy.”  
  
His loud laugh comes a second later and her heart nearly explodes at the sound. “Hold that thought for when I come back, please.”  
  
**  
  
She was trying not to let her rising insecurities show as she tried on various outfits. She’s already met most of his family and friends, but somehow she managed to work herself in a fit of nerves every time they went to a family gathering or birthday.  
  
Sometimes she wondered if she was most nervous from reactions of his environment or the reaction from him himself. Gavin was always very open about the ways he’d ‘prefer’ her, and when she looked best in his opinions and even though Blake’s the total opposite, she can’t help but go there sometimes and wonder if he just keeps his preferences to himself.  
  
“Hey babe, you almost ready?” his southern drawl comes moments later.  
  
“Yeah, just a little longer.”  
  
He comes walking in the bedroom, as her back is turned to him and she’s focused only on the outfits plastered all over their bed. She’s tried all of them on already, most of them more than once, but she’s still unable to decide. Unable to feel confident.  
  
Sensing the tension surrounding her, he speaks up again softly. “Are you okay, darlin’?”  
  
She nods her head; afraid her voice might give the honest answer away and picks up another set of clothing. She feels tears welling up in her eyes and she shakes her head violently, willing them to go back.  
  
Blake’s arm is swift then; gently grabbing her by the waist and spinning her around so she’s facing him. Her hands come up between their bodies, as if keeping that little bit of distance is gonna keep her from completely falling apart.  
  
“Talk to me, baby.”  
  
It was stupid to think she could hide this from him, because he’s been in tune with her and her emotions ever since they started dating. The embarrassment she felt over getting upset about this still, was too big to just share this with him though.  
  
“I don’t know what to wear.”  
  
“Oh. Well what about what you’re wearing right now?”

She looks at him almost offended. “No, Blake. I’m literally wearing jeans and an oversized sweater. I’m not wearing this to your sister’s birthday.”  
  
“You look fine to me.”  
  
She shakes her head again, this time a couple tears roll down her cheek, unable to stop it. She wants to tell him how she’s afraid he’s going to be disappointed one day if she stops dressing up to the max, and how she somehow convinced herself that the toned-down, natural version of her isn’t enough to keep people around, but all that comes out is a soft, strangled sob.

“Gwen, baby, what’s wrong?” His voice is filled with worry and his hand moves up to her cheek, to wipe some of the moister away.  
  
“Does this have something to do with _him_?”  
  
He didn’t even say his name out loud, yet she couldn’t help but flinch at his words. His hands tightened on her hips, causing her to look up at him, while softly nodding her head.  
  
He carefully manoeuvred her clothes further down the bed, so he could sit them both down next to them. His arms were now securely wrapped around her, waiting for her to find the strength to speak up.  
  
“I just don’t want you to ever look at me the way he would.” She whispered the words barely loud enough for him to hear.  
  
“Which is how?”  
  
“Disappointed”, she breathed out. “Disgusted even.”  
  
She could feel another wave of emotions come up, and she swallowed loudly, trying to get rid of the forming lump in her throat.  
  
“Gwen, look at me.” His hand moved to the side of her face, forcing her to look him straight in the eye. “I don’t care about what you wear, or what you aren’t wearing. You look beautiful to me every single moment of the day, Gwen. I’m not him.”  
  
She knows he added that last part to emphasize the fact that her ex-husband was a special breed of dumb, for not realizing what he had when he had it, but it also caused her to feel momentarily guilty for even thinking that Blake would be able to feel the same way.  
  
“I know you’re not”, she said softly. “I just get really scared sometimes and my mind just starts to go places and I just can’t stop myself.”  
  
“I get it, baby. I don’t expect you to just suddenly get rid of all your insecurities. Just talk to me okay? Let me help.”  
  
She nods her head, while gently pulling his face closer to her, as she softly brushes her lips against his. “Thank you”, she whispered against his cheek.  
  
He lowered one of his hands, and pulled one of her legs over his laps, to get her to straddle him, as his hand went to the back of her head. “It’s what I’m here for, Gwen.”  
  
It wasn’t long before their tongues were tangled up In a fight for dominance and their hands were desperately exploring each other. Gwen let out a soft moan as Blake kissed his way from her lips, down to her neck, leaving a trail of soft kisses along the way. His lips found a sweet spot just below her ear, that caused her to inhale sharply.  
  
“How about we undress you one more time, so you can properly dress yourself when we’re done?”  
  
She leans down to give him another kiss, and she could feel him smile against her as she lingered there for a moment.

“I like the way you think.”  
  
**  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
